on cheated

Oct. 3rd, 2010 10:42 pm
spaceoasis: (Default)
downcast and suppressed, my words cannot attest to how much I need love right now. how my body longs to make contact with another's: preferably a girl's long, soft limbs which carry no threat of invasion, no philandering of the spirit. simple sensual comfort is all I want to feel tonight. I want to rest my head on her shoulder tonight as we lay ourselves carefully down on my bed. I'd like no words to be spoken, just soft breath coming easily.

it's no fun to be cheated on because suddenly everything you held sacred to yourself and another isn't so sacred anymore. It's like saving yourself to be thrown away. Someone grabbing YOUR glass of wine to throw it in your face. My fidelity and confidence have been scorn and my emotions run amuck as if they were puddles left over from a glorious rain that of yesterday. And you hold your chest high as the sky reflects off the sky you stand on, among your puddle of tears, the ground completely covered in illusion so you feel yourself unsteady in your feet. No shadows to hide beneath. Just another puddle of sweat and tears as you move forward, finding friends and laughs, but always feeling somewhat defeated, something of a beautifully wilted wallflower.

And then seeing you reveling in your stolen freedom, courting another woman and then turning around and calling her a kid girl. you're a boy, kid. go fuck yourself and stop hurting others in your expenditures of selfish, narrow, muddy desire. I know you for what you really are but ah your image of BLISS and FREEDOM I still cherish as what once "is" and no longer can be-- never will that crack in the mirror heal because reality has splintered been lovingly apart. thank you for breaking your own charm and now I hold onto a burning talisman of resentment. distrust courses in my veins as quickly as the dying seeing their lives and body falling apart, decaying, dis-eased and breaking but really I'm not so badly off. What I need isn't a shoulder to cry on, just one to lean on for warmth as I sit on a couch to conversate. I'm not looking for a full on hug or words of sympathy, just some warmth and touch to feel safely connected, the way it used to be with you.

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spaceoasis

February 2011

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